Category Archives:

12 Frat Rules

Saturday, October 16th, 2010
Posted in Advice by Joel Gross

I received an email from the Black Rooster yesterday telling me his little brother is going to start UK’s first fraternity and asking me if I could remember any rules from my time in a frat. Being a good-natured fraternity man, I helped him out by sending him the following 12 rules of a fraternity.

12 Frat Rules:

  1. Purchase Hollister hemp choker necklaces and distribute to all members
  2. Find five fat girls to show up to every party, and even on nights when nothing happens
  3. 12 Frat Rules

    12 Frat Rules

    Purchase detergent soap and distribute to all members to wash sharpie off skin

  4. Find a silly event in the ancient past to base your fraternity’s morals on so that you can haze freshmen more easily
  5. Recruit one smart guy to cheat off when necessary
  6. Stick with one race of guys, though make sure to have at least one token guy of another race to prevent judgements of racism
  7. Find one douchey guy willing to be President and take the heat when the police bust the party
  8. Grow a beer gut by your fourth year
  9. Provide group showers for ample ogling activities and occasional rape/”hazing” opportunities
  10. Learn to chew
  11. Recruit at least one meathead to back members up in fights
  12. Build your fraternity house like a hospital so it is easy to hose out the puke, spilled booze, blood and trash on a weekly basis.