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02/25/2008
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Best Beer Cheers and Drunk Toasts

Super Funny UPDATE: Check out this very cheap book on Amazon with 1,500 Toasts

Funny beer toasts and drunk cheers can really break the ice at a party. Many people though are not good at delivering these hilarious drunk speeches and need a bit of advice. I recommend that you be confident, speak loudly and clearly and have a drink in your hand ready to go. My friend Mike Comer delivered some great beer toasts this weekend at a housewarming party. Hearing him inspired me to make a list of some of the best beer cheers, bar toasts and drunken speeches I could find. Cheers to the toasts below!toast

Great Drinking Toasts: When you are drinking, you sometimes need a good toast. Below I have collected some of the best drinking toasts I could find.

“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends!” Mike Comer

“Here’s to women’s kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
not as sweet as a woman’s kiss,
but a damn sight more sincere.”

“To Woman — She needs no eulogy — she speaks for herself. ” Every Man

“Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall
into her arms without falling into her hands.” Ambrose Pierce

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”

“MEN, start your livers!”

“Here’s to the ideal woman; Who could ask for more? She’s deaf ‘n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store.”

“Today we celebrate all the good things you have found in each other, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, a playmate and a true partner in life. Cheers!”

“Here’s to ___, May he live respected and die regretted”

“Here’s to Hell! May my stay there be as much fun as my way there!”

“He that buys land buys many stones.Beer Cheers
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”

“Here’s to those who sit when they pee.
We love ‘em in leather,
We love ‘em in lace,
But we love ‘em the best when they sit on our face!”

Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That’s French toast.
” He that buys land buys many stones.Toasts with booze
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”

Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer

Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ‘s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.
Gentlemen, start your livers!
I used to know a clever toast,
But now I cannot think it,
So fill your glass to anything,
And damn your souls, I’ll drink it!
May your coffin have six handles of finest silver! May your coffin be carried by six fair young maids!
And may your coffin be made of finest wood
from a 100-year-old tree
that I’ll go plant tomorrow!
When the hour is nigh me,Dancing midget toasts
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me. “Gentlemen, I bid you, a toast to our wives
Who make our lives complete
Drink to those women who love us well
so beautiful and sweet
May God grant this wish
the twain shall never meet!”

“To Truthful Woman: Here’s to the love that lies in woman’s eyes….. And lies, and lies, and lies. ”

Here’s to the women who love me terribly,
May they soon improve.

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”

Here¯¿½s to a long life and a happy one.Too much cheers
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!

“Here’s to the King! What King? Fuh-King!

Awesome Beer Cheers: When you’re drinking beer you often want to cheers. The best beer cheers on the internet are collected below for your amusement and pleasure. Warning: Use carefully, many people do not approve of these toasts and cheers.

“Here’s to the guy who is never blue,
Here’s to the buddy who is ever true,
Here’s to the pal, no matter what the load,
Who never declines, just one for the road.”

“Here’s to honor-
Get on her,
Stay on her,
And if you can’t cum in her,
Cum on her.
Here’s to the hole that never heals,
The more you rub it the better it feels,
And all the soap this side of hell,
Won’t wash away that fishy smell”Merry Christmas Holiday Cheers

“Life is a jest and all things show it I thought so once and now I know it.”

“Here’s to you and here’s to me, And here’s to all the girls that lick us where we pee!”

“Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!”

Drunk Speeches: Occasionally you need to go on a drunken ramble. Here are some of the finest drunk speeches given by man and recommended for your usage and inspiration.

“I have known Jeremy for six years, ever since he and I started university together. During this time he has been a source of great companionship, many enjoyable nights out, and occasionally some very high scoring coursework.”

“To women and horses, And the men that ride them!”

“The girl of my dreams has dyed her hair,
And now it’s a fiery red.
She drinks, she smokes, and she tells dirty jokes;
She hasn’t a brain in her head
The girl of my dreams is a cigarette fiend,
She drinks more booze than I.
But the girl of my dreams ain’t as dumb as she seems …
She’s the sweetheart of six other guys.”

“Man on top of woman hasn’t long to stay.
His head is full of business and his ass is full of play.
He goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.
He buttons up his pants and doesn’t give a damn.”

“A mighty pain to love it is,
And ’tis a pain that pain to miss;
But, of all pains, the greatest pain,
Is to love, but love in vain.”

” Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ‘s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.”

” But if at church they give some ale
And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale
We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day
Nor ever once from the church to stray.”

188 Responses

  1. John says:

    Here’s to Hitler… May the devil run out of lube!

  2. AVODKALYPSE NOW says:

    Here’s to the men we’ve loved the best! We’ve fucked ‘em naked, we’ve fucked ‘em dressed! We’ve fucked ‘em standin’, we’ve fucked ‘em lyin’…Hell, we’ve even fucked ‘em dyin’ And when they’re dead and long forgotten… We’ll dig’em up and fuck’em rotten!

  3. Carol/Silverado Barkeep says:

    Here’s to you as you start the week, Trudging to work to make mortgage or rent… Life Cycle Monday’s are a hard way to start the week, Cured only with a glass of scotch or rye. Tuesday’s no easier, just the normal bump & grind A cocktail in hand and early to bed. Wednesday’s  hump is a bitch to climb, Soothed only by 2 pints and a shots of liquor. Thursday’s get better, you finally find your pace,  I ‘ll take two more of these and one for the road. Fridays here! The eagle’s flown. Barkeep “Drinks all around” Sunday’s here and where’s  my clothes, Yesterday is nothing but a blur, A sip from a glass, to clear my head, Ouch… And who the hell tattooed my ass! Monday’s are a hard way…

  4. Joe says:

    Here’s to the people we’ve met, and those we fucked Here’s to those of us who have had no such luck. Here’s to beer in the glass and liquor in a cup, Here’s to fucking her in the ass so she doesn’t get knocked up Here’s to all of you and here’s to me, best friends we’ll always be But if by chance we disagree, then FUCK YOU! Here’s to me.

  5. Tanya Boyd says:

    Here’s to the women in the high heeled shoes, they’ll smoke your dope and they’ll drink your booze. But you’ve got to forgive women for the original sin because we still got the box the cherry came in

  6. ;johnny deere says:

    heres to beers killin queers and chicks with big brazziers

  7. Dawn's Study Buddy says:

    Friends may come. Friends may go. Friends may peter-out, ya know? But we’ll be friends, Through thick or thin, Peter-out or Peter-in!

  8. Michelle says:

    To Bud Light, to Coors Light, Drink as much as I wish tonight, I think I may, I think I might, Fuck the guy I like tonight, nd if he’s bad he’s out the door, Fuck this shit, let’s drink some more! Men love us in leather, Men love us in lace, Men love us better when we sit on their face!

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