Best Beer Cheers and Drunk Toasts
Funny beer toasts and drunk cheers can really break the ice at a party. Many people though are not good at delivering these hilarious drunk speeches and need a bit of advice. I recommend that you be confident, speak loudly and clearly and have a drink in your hand ready to go. My friend Mike Comer delivered some great beer toasts this weekend at a housewarming party. Hearing him inspired me to make a list of some of the best beer cheers, bar toasts and drunken speeches I could find. Cheers to the toasts below!
Great Drinking Toasts: When you are drinking, you sometimes need a good toast. Below I have collected some of the best drinking toasts I could find.
“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends!” Mike Comer
“Here’s to women’s kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
not as sweet as a woman’s kiss,
but a damn sight more sincere.”
“To Woman — She needs no eulogy — she speaks for herself. ” Every Man
“Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall
into her arms without falling into her hands.” Ambrose Pierce
“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”
“MEN, start your livers!”
“Here’s to the ideal woman; Who could ask for more? She’s deaf ‘n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store.”
“Today we celebrate all the good things you have found in each other, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, a playmate and a true partner in life. Cheers!”
“Here’s to ___, May he live respected and die regretted”
“Here’s to Hell! May my stay there be as much fun as my way there!”
“He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”
“Here’s to those who sit when they pee.
We love ‘em in leather,
We love ‘em in lace,
But we love ‘em the best when they sit on our face!”
Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That’s French toast.
” He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”
Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!
For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer
Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ’s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.
Gentlemen, start your livers!
I used to know a clever toast,
But now I cannot think it,
So fill your glass to anything,
And damn your souls, I’ll drink it!
May your coffin have six handles of finest silver! May your coffin be carried by six fair young maids!
And may your coffin be made of finest wood
from a 100-year-old tree
that I’ll go plant tomorrow!
When the hour is nigh me,
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me. “Gentlemen, I bid you, a toast to our wives
Who make our lives complete
Drink to those women who love us well
so beautiful and sweet
May God grant this wish
the twain shall never meet!”
“To Truthful Woman: Here’s to the love that lies in woman’s eyes….. And lies, and lies, and lies. ”
Here’s to the women who love me terribly,
May they soon improve.
“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”
Here�s to a long life and a happy one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!
“Here’s to the King! What King? Fuh-King!
Awesome Beer Cheers: When you’re drinking beer you often want to cheers. The best beer cheers on the internet are collected below for your amusement and pleasure. Warning: Use carefully, many people do not approve of these toasts and cheers.
“Here’s to the guy who is never blue,
Here’s to the buddy who is ever true,
Here’s to the pal, no matter what the load,
Who never declines, just one for the road.”
“Here’s to honor-
Get on her,
Stay on her,
And if you can’t cum in her,
Cum on her.
Here’s to the hole that never heals,
The more you rub it the better it feels,
And all the soap this side of hell,
Won’t wash away that fishy smell”
“Life is a jest and all things show it I thought so once and now I know it.”
“Here’s to you and here’s to me, And here’s to all the girls that lick us where we pee!”
“Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!”
Drunk Speeches: Occasionally you need to go on a drunken ramble. Here are some of the finest drunk speeches given by man and recommended for your usage and inspiration.
“I have known Jeremy for six years, ever since he and I started university together. During this time he has been a source of great companionship, many enjoyable nights out, and occasionally some very high scoring coursework.”
“To women and horses, And the men that ride them!”
“The girl of my dreams has dyed her hair,
And now it’s a fiery red.
She drinks, she smokes, and she tells dirty jokes;
She hasn’t a brain in her head
The girl of my dreams is a cigarette fiend,
She drinks more booze than I.
But the girl of my dreams ain’t as dumb as she seems …
She’s the sweetheart of six other guys.”
“Man on top of woman hasn’t long to stay.
His head is full of business and his ass is full of play.
He goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.
He buttons up his pants and doesn’t give a damn.”
“A mighty pain to love it is,
And ’tis a pain that pain to miss;
But, of all pains, the greatest pain,
Is to love, but love in vain.”
” Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ’s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.”
” But if at church they give some ale
And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale
We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day
Nor ever once from the church to stray.”
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Like my cheesy pic? :)
I have been looking for a toast for a long time and cannot locate it.
I have been looking for a toast for a long time and cannot locate it. It Starts “Here’s to the wound that never heals …”, do you have any suggestions as to finding this hillarious toast?
Here’s to the wound that never heals.
The more you scratch, the better it feels.
Here’s to you. Here’s to me.
Fuck you, here’s to me.
Heres to the wound that never heals.
The more you rub it the better it feels.
Up to it, down to it, damn the man that wouldnt do it.
should be held down and made do it till he cant do it no more
Here’s to honor…
To get honor
To stay honor
And if you can’t cum in her
Cum on her!
Here’s to the hole that never heals
The more you rub it the better it feels
And all the soap this side of hell
Won’t wash away that fishy smell
Wine, women, song, vice
Syphilis, blue balls, crabs and lice
We’ve had ‘em all by jesus christ
Gentlemen, the Queen.
I’ve also been looking for one that goes something along these lines…
“here’s to beers, and virgins’ tears”
but can’t remember the rest? Anyone know it?
Here’s to the cut that never heals…..
not the hole!
Here’s to the fire that doesn’t burn down chanties, but to the fire that burns in all the girls panties!
Here’s to the heat, not to the kind that ignites and burns down chanties, but to the kind that excites and pulls down panties!
Here’s the one we say at all Irish gatherings:
In heaven there is no beer,
that’s why we drink it here.
And when we’re gone from here,
our friends will be drinking all the beer!
Here’s to the girl with the little red shoes,
She drinks my whiskey, she drinks my booze,
She lost her cherry, but that’s no sin,
She still got the box that the cherry came in!
Here’s to the box!
Cereal in a bowl,
Coffee in a cup,
Poke her in tha butt so you don’t knock her up
Here’s to swimmin’ with bow legged women… and the wake that they make!
An Ode to Beer
If I had a dog
that could piss this stuff,
and i was sure
he could piss enough,
I’d tie his head
to the foot of my bed,
and suck his dick
till we both dropped dead.
yeah, beer.
A drink for a good live
A drink for a good live
A drink that never blows
A drink that alway shows
A drink for a friend
A drink that will never end
For when its all said and done
Lest all drink and have fun!!!!
To The Boys Of Whitesville, We Live in Caves Spend Times In Ditches, Beat Our Cocks Agianst Jagged Rocks But Were Still Rugged Sons Of Bitches
Ashes To Ashes Dust To Dust If It WErnt For Pussy My Pee Pee Would Rust
if my dog could piss this stuff
and he could piss enough
i’d tie his head
to the foot of my bed
and suck his dick ’til we both fell dead
correct toasts of some mistakes made above :
Sugar in the bowl, coffee in the cup, you poke her in the boat you won’t knock her up.
Heres to the girl i got it from heres to me for being so dumb, i hope shes around when i get well.. cause ill catch it again sure as hell
Heres to you heres to me the best of friends we’ll always be, if we shall ever disagree. FUCK you heres to me
Here’s to the breeze that blows through the trees it blows the skirts of the young girls knees, it leads to the sights that often please, but most often leads to STDS!.
feel free to email me about any toasts that you just can’t quite remember
Here’s to the peclican, who’s beak can hold more than his belly can, he can live for a week off the food in his beak and no on knows how the hell he can.
here’s to the gash that heals… the harder you pound it the better it feels
here’s to girlfriends and lovers. i pray they never meet.
here’s to virgins… thanks for nothin
i offered my honor. she honored my offer.. all night it was honor and offer…
here’s to you. heres to me … best friends we’ll always be… but if we ever dissagree then fuck you and here’s to me
Honor ur offer,offer ur honor
Dont get off, til u get off on her
Here’s to you,
Here’s to me.
If we should ever disagree, Fuck you
Here’s to me
hi!!! ur drunk cheers n toasts r hilarious!!! but i do have one question….the picture on this page, the second one down w the man laying on the floor drunk and passed out…may i ask where that was originated from? the reason i ask this is because it is not the first time i have seen this pic and i am 99.99% positive that that is my father…..im not mad its on your site….so dont think that, i am just very concerned, he has been on a downward spiral for the past 5 years and it hurts to c him like that….please get back to me. thanku
krystal
Here’s to you
Here’s to me
Best of friends we’ll always be
But if we ever should disagree
Fuck you, here’s to me.
here’s to the stork that brings cute babies, here’s to the stork that brings ugly babies, and heres to the swallow that brings no babies.
Heres to you, and heres to me, heres to drinking like a fish.
touch me here and touch me there, but don’t touch my whiskey bitch.
“Here’s to gunpowder and pussy,
live by one, die by the other,
love the smell of both.”
If your gonna say it say it right!!!!!
Here’s to fire… not the kind that burns down the shacks and the chanties, but the one that brings down the pants and the panties!!!!
She honored her offer, and offered her honor… All night long I was honor and offer!!
Told to the ladies, see if they get this one!!!
Six times six is thirty-six plus three is thirty-nine… I can measure the depths of yours before you can measure the length of mine.
Here’s to the hole that never heals
the more you rub the better it feels
and all the soap this side of Hell
won’t wash away that fishy smell
Here’s to the girl in the little red shoes. She’ll drink your liquor and she’ll drink your booze. She lost her cherry it’s a terrible sin, but she’s still got the box that the cherry came in!
“To get on her. To stay on her. And if you can’t cum in her, cum on her”
If the ocean was full of beer, and I was a duck
I’d swim to the bottom and drink it all up
But the ocean is not full of beer,
and I am not a duck
So I came here… to get FUCKED UP!!!
To Panties…
Not the greatest thing in the world, but the closest thing to it.
Anybody know if I wanted to bookmark a post do I have to join Delicious first?
“If I had a dog and it could piss this stuff, and i thought it could piss enough, I’d tie him up and put his dick in my mouth, I’d suck his dick till we both passed out.”
“If vodka were water and I were a duck, I’d swim to the bottom and drink it all up, but vodka’s not water and I ain’t a duck, so slide me a bottle and shut the fuck up.”
I met a man here tonight
He bought me lots of beer
He said my breasts were quite a site
So I told him to hold me near.
When that man drew me in
I kicked him in the nuts
so here’s to that man named ben
Who puked up all his guts.
Here’s to you here’s to me, best friends we shall ever be, if we ever disagree, then fuck you here’s to me
this is the worst list of toasts. i think you need help. these are very depressing. best of luck with treatment for your psychological disorder!
Here’s to lesbians and virgins…. thanks for nothin!
A toast to your enemies enemies.. (Irish toast)
To the four hinges of friendship
Lieing, cheating, stealing and drinking
If you must lie, lie for a beautiful woman
If you must cheat, cheat death
If you must steal, steal away from bad company
If you must drink, drink with me.
Here’s to women, beer and song, may none of them be flat.
There’s the wonderful love of a beautiful maid,
and the love of a strong true man.
There’s the love of a baby unafraid,
all existing since time began.
But the most wonderful love, the Love of Loves,
greater than the love for Mother,
is the intimate, tenderest, passionate love…
of one dead drunk for another!
the fleecy clouds may kiss the skys, the flowers kiss the butterflys, the foaming beer def kiss the glass, and you my friend can kiss my ass
(i learned that from my dad when i was 9 years old)
I met a boy here tonight,
he bought me lots of beer.
He said my tits were quite a site,
so he drew me near.
When that fucker drew me in,
I kicked him in the nuts.
So heres to the boy, in the john,
puking up his guts.
When God made little boys he made them out of string,
He had a little left over so he made a little thing.
when God made little girls he made them out of lace,
He had a little left over so he made a little space.
Here’s to space.
Well here’s to the women we’ve met and the women we’ve fucked, and the many who haven’t had such luck. Well here’s to you and here’s to me and if ever by chance we should disagree well then fuck you and here’s to me.
here’s to the bee who got the bull buckin’
here’s to adam who stuck it to eve and got the whole world fuckin
here’s to you and here’s to me
best of friends we’ll always be
and if you ever disagree… FUCK YOU here’s to me!
here’s to you! here’s to me!
Better friends there will never be,
but if we chose to disagree, well fuck you and here’s to me!
Here´s to the wound that never heals
The more you rub it, the better is feels
And all the soap on this side of hell
Could not was away that fishy smell
Here´s to the wound
It follows like this
Cheers to the queers….
the rest i do not know
Grtz Yak
“Here’s to the mouse on the bar room floor,
that lapped up the beer & hollered for for more,
and as he sat in the pale moonlight,
He screamed ‘Bring on the pussy, I’m ready for a fight!’”
Heres to the Breeze that blows threw the trees , that Teases and Pleases, that lift the skrits above the girls neezes, so heres to the Snatch and Down the Hatch !
Heres to the girls we got it from.
And heres to us for being so dumb.
And I hope there around when we get well.
Cuz we’ll catch it again sure as hell.
And the dog pissing sounds better when you refer to it as a female joke… let me explain.
If I had a girl that could piss this stuff.
And I was sure she could piss enough.
then I’d tie her head to the foot of my bed.
And suck her clit till we both dropped dead
another ending to the “Honor toast”
Here’s to Honor
Here’s to Getting on her
and staying on her
and if you can’t cum in her
Cum on her
She Offered her honor
I honored her offer
and all night long, I was off her and on her
And if for some reason, I should fall off her
here’s to one more time of getting back on her.
Another version of one:
Here’s to you
And here’s to me
May we never disagree
But if we do
To hell with you
And here’s to me.
Just another toast you could put on here. Its always a hit with the guys but the chicks arent the biggest fans.
“to the east to the west. she must admit i was the best. To the north to the south. I fucked her tits and i fucked her mouth. I fucked her standing and i fucked her lying. If she had wings i’de fuck her flying, but now shes dead and long forgotten so i’ll dig her up and fuck her rotten.”
Cheers to best friends we’ll be, if we ever part, fuck you and here’s to me!
sugar in a bowl, coffee in a cup, fuck her in the butt, you won’t knock her up