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Brett Favre: Lord of Football

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
Posted in Sports by Joel Gross

Brett Favre is the most famous football player to ever play the game.  He holds almost every record an NFL quarterback can achieve:

  • Most consecutive starts… Brett Favre  has never missed a game for any reason since he started
  • Most wins as starting quarterback
  • Most pass completions
  • Most past attempts
  • Most interceptions
  • Most hairs on his chest
  • Most retirements & comebacks
  • Largest testicles (at 5 lbs apiece)
  • 1st QB in NFL history to beat every one of the 32 teams

Better known facts about Brett Favre:

The following story is completely true:  While in college, Brett Favre flipped his car three times and was severely injured.  Doctors removed 30 inches of his small intestine.  Six weeks later Brett Favre returned and led his little school (Southern Miss.) to a comeback victory against national powerhouse Alabama.  The coach of Alabama at the time, Gene Stallings said: “You can call it a miracle or a legend or whatever you want to. I just know that on that day, Brett Favre was larger than life.”

Brett Favre holds a teaching degree in special education so he can deal with the rest of humanity.

Brett Favre won 3 consecutive NFL MVP awards, the only person to ever have done so.

Brett Favre once got a concussion during a game and did not receive medical clearance to go back in the game, but did anyways.  He threw a 28 yard touchdown pass that he did not remember.

Brett Favre’s father died one day before a bigtime Monday Night Football game.  He threw for 399 yards and 4 touchdowns in the first half.

Favre is tied with Steve Young, Johnny Unitas and Len Dawson for leading the NFL in touchdown passes the most times (four).

Lesser known facts about Brett Favre:

Brett Favre never gets accidentally sacked or intercepted.. he merely feels bad for the other team and gives them a shot.

Brett Favre puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.

While in college at Southern Miss, Brett Favre put down “Violence” as every one of the answers on a math test.  Brett Favre got an A+ because he solves every one of his problems with violence.

Brett Favre secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month.  As a result, they bleed for a week.

Brett Favre once killed a referee during a football game for making a bad call.  Favre was in peewee football at the time.

Brett Favre counted to infinity.  Twice.

If you Brett Favre has sex with you, that does not make you gay.  It simply makes you an NFL defensive back.

If you misspell Brett Favre when searching for him on Google, the results don’t say “Did you mean “Brett Favre”?”… instead they say “Run while you still have the chance.”

Brett Favre knits wool socks in his free time.  By “knit” I mean “throws” and by “socks” I mean “touchdowns”.  Pansy.

Brett Favre runs Windows 7 on his etch-a-sketch.

Brett Favre’s arm is so powerful and accurate that he once killed two stones with one bird.

Brett Favre once went on the Wheel of Fortune.  The next 29 minutes and 30 seconds of the show was everyone standing awkwardly waiting for the wheel to stop.

MC Hammer learned the hard way that Brett Favre CAN touch this.

Champions are the breakfast of Brett Favre.

Brett Favre is not hung like a horse; horses are hung like Brett Favre.

Barack Obama once beat Brett Favre at Tic-Tac-Toe.  In retaliation, Brett Favre invented racism.

Brett Favre heard that his old friend Lance Armstrong had lost his testicles to cancer.  Brett Favre donated one of his testicles to Lance Armstrong who then proceeded to win the Tour De France seven times.

Most American males are okay with their wives fantasizing about Brett Favre during sex, since they are doing the same thing.

Brett Favre once visited the former Virgin Islands.  They are now known as “The Islands”.

Brett Favre was named to the “1990′s All-Decade Team”.  He’s about to be named to the “2000′s All-Decade Team” and is planning on being named to the “2010′s All-Decade Team”.