• 3 White Russians
• 1 Depressed Man in Bomber Jacket
• Bachelorette party with 11 girls
• Martha Stewart’s Bruschetta
• 1 sex blogger
• 12 fatty patties
• 8 pork loins
• 3 cases of good beer
• 1 packed hot tub

Begin mixing and cooking at 4 pm Friday in a low temperature bar and gradually increase the heat throughout the weekend.  Toss in copious amounts of alcohol and beware of explosions.

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I am planning on going out and having a birthday party on Friday when I get back.  All are invited.

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To Jeremy & Daniel: It didn’t work out for me to join you guys in Las Vegas for New Year’s Eve this year, but I will be there with you in spirit.  Buy yourself a shot of Johnny Walker and put my spirit inside of you.  That nice Vegas bartender will put his… spirit.. in you later.

To my brothers: Sing a rousing edition of “Happy Birthday Joel” to me at midnight.  You weren’t there when I was born, you don’t know I wasn’t born at that time.  Don’t question my supremacy.

To everyone else: Have an amazing New Year’s Eve and BE SAFE!

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Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to reflect on what you are grateful for, so I will do the standard post listing a few things that I am grateful this year:

• Still being employed in the rapidly sinking American economy.
• Having awesome friends and great brothers.
• Being in very good health (crosses fingers).
• Living in what is still one of the free-est countries in the world.
• Wordpress for making my blogging much easier.
• Crazy women for making my life more interesting.
• My sexy body for providing me endless mirror-staring fun.
• Karoline Kurkova, sexiest woman alive according to E!
  

  Karolina Kurkova

• My weekly dinners with my close friends and Ian, the best chef in Seattle.
• Flag football.
• Disturbing indie movies for broadening my mind.
• First Thursday art walk in Seattle for free wine and decent art.
• “Trace”- very fun iPhone game that has entertained me on the toilet almost as much as the NYTimes.com website.
• Sleep

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The Montlake Cut

Above is the first place I stopped to take a picture, the Montlake cut at the University of Washington. It was a beautiful day today, 77 degrees out when I reached Golden Gardens.

Joel sweating in the sun

The picture above shows me sweating my butt off. I took this picture right after I took the first photo of the Montlake cut.

Golden Gardens Gorgeousity

Golden Gardens was beautiful, tons of sail boats (you can see them if you squint).

People playing at Golden Gardens

Tons of people were out enjoying the sun today at Golden Gardens.

Play field at Golden Gardens

I recommend bringing a frisbee to this field and playing. Fun times.

House boat on Lake Washington

I REALLY want to get a house boat on Lake Washington. How sick would that be?

Gas Works view of downtown Seattle

I love Gasworks park. Such a beautiful view.

Downtown Seattle across Lake Washington

Everyone was out playing on their boats today.

The Gas Works at Gasworks

Can you believe that the best real estate in Seattle was originally a garbage dump?!?

More Sweaty Joelness

Great ride.

Float Plane above Gasworks

Grandpa’s favorite.

Atop the bridge over Lake Washington. I5 Bridge in the distance.

Coming home.

Mission Accomplished

Mission Accomplished- 20 miles to Golden Gardens and back to my place in Pioneer Square.

Beautiful day.

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Turned out to be a fine adventure indeed, featuring the world’s largest mixed drink, a tasty dinner, dodgeball at Cal Anderson Park, various Capitol Hill bars and a hipster fight.

Plato and I started out by having a nice big dinner featuring gorgonzola and mandarin salad, honey pepper chicken thighs and two bottles of the finest wines from my collection.

Plato is a tad sarcastic. But look at how good that food is! Yum, my cooking skills are improving.

Mmmmmm……

Click read the rest of the entry to see more.

The wine above was way too sweet. Gross.

My apartment is desperately in need of a deep cleaning. I’ll probably do that today.

My face is still hugely swollen on the right from my root canal, but it fortunately doesn’t hurt. I just look a little goofy.

For our trip, I mixed up the world’s largest grape & Smirnoff vodka well drink. Put in a liter and a half of grape juice and half of a half gallon of vodka and you’re good to go. Plato and I brought this on our walk over to Capitol Hill to play dodgeball. From my apartment, it’s probably about a mile and a half to Cal Anderson park and Plato and I took a very meandering route.

The king and I await our coach (elevator).

I tried to take an artsy delayed capture photo, but I had no tripod and my hands wobbled lol.

Plato observes the poor.

Dodgeball at Cal Anderson Park. Apparently dodgeball happens there every Tuesday and Friday. Around 50-70 people showed up and it was tons of fun.

Plato made a friend… and her angry jealous boyfriend was 3 feet behind her lol. The guy walked outside in a huff and she wanted to keep talking to us, but Plato and I had much better things to do.

At Lindas, there is always this little tiny old asian man who plays pool every Friday night and is very talented. I managed to beat him soundly and Plato and I ended up running the table for around an hour. Later, we went and got beef tongue tacos, mozzarella sticks, chicken and a pitcher. My kind of night.

End of the night; Plato walked back to his studio in the University District and I walked back to mine in Pioneer Square.

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Great Drinking Toasts: When you are drinking, you sometimes need a good toast. Below I have collected some of the best drinking toasts I could find.

“Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends!” Mike Comer

“Here’s to women’s kisses,
and to whiskey, amber clear;
not as sweet as a woman’s kiss,
but a damn sight more sincere.”

“To Woman — She needs no eulogy — she speaks for herself. ” Every Man

“Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall
into her arms without falling into her hands.” Ambrose Pierce

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”

“MEN, start your livers!”

“Here’s to the ideal woman; Who could ask for more? She’s deaf ‘n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store.”

“Today we celebrate all the good things you have found in each other, a best friend, a lover, a teacher, a playmate and a true partner in life. Cheers!”

“Here’s to ___, May he live respected and die regretted”

“Here’s to Hell! May my stay there be as much fun as my way there!”

“He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”

“Here’s to those who sit when they pee.
We love ‘em in leather,
We love ‘em in lace,
But we love ‘em the best when they sit on our face!”

Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That’s French toast.
” He that buys land buys many stones.
He that buys flesh buys many bones.
He that buys eggs buys many shells,
But he that buys good beer buys nothing else.”

Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, a beer

Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ’s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.
Gentlemen, start your livers!
I used to know a clever toast,
But now I cannot think it,
So fill your glass to anything,
And damn your souls, I’ll drink it!
May your coffin have six handles of finest silver! May your coffin be carried by six fair young maids!
And may your coffin be made of finest wood
from a 100-year-old tree
that I’ll go plant tomorrow!
When the hour is nigh me,
Let me in a tavern die,
With a tankard by me. “Gentlemen, I bid you, a toast to our wives
Who make our lives complete
Drink to those women who love us well
so beautiful and sweet
May God grant this wish
the twain shall never meet!”

“To Truthful Woman: Here’s to the love that lies in woman’s eyes….. And lies, and lies, and lies. ”

Here’s to the women who love me terribly,
May they soon improve.

“Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer’s so frothy, smooth and cold–
It’s paradise–pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me…
That’s all for now, I gotta pee!”

Here�s to a long life and a happy one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!

“Here’s to the King! What King? Fuh-King!

Awesome Beer Cheers: When you’re drinking beer you often want to cheers. The best beer cheers on the internet are collected below for your amusement and pleasure. Warning: Use carefully, many people do not approve of these toasts and cheers.

“Here’s to the guy who is never blue,
Here’s to the buddy who is ever true,
Here’s to the pal, no matter what the load,
Who never declines, just one for the road.”

“Here’s to honor-
Get on her,
Stay on her,
And if you can’t cum in her,
Cum on her.
Here’s to the hole that never heals,
The more you rub it the better it feels,
And all the soap this side of hell,
Won’t wash away that fishy smell”

“Life is a jest and all things show it I thought so once and now I know it.”

“Here’s to you and here’s to me, And here’s to all the girls that lick us where we pee!”

“Champagne costs too much,
Whiskey’s too rough,
Vodka puts big mouths in gear.
This little refrain
Should help to explain
Why it’s better to order a beer!”

Drunk Speeches: Occasionally you need to go on a drunken ramble. Here are some of the finest drunk speeches given by man and recommended for your usage and inspiration.

“I have known Jeremy for six years, ever since he and I started university together. During this time he has been a source of great companionship, many enjoyable nights out, and occasionally some very high scoring coursework.”

“To women and horses, And the men that ride them!”

“The girl of my dreams has dyed her hair,
And now it’s a fiery red.
She drinks, she smokes, and she tells dirty jokes;
She hasn’t a brain in her head
The girl of my dreams is a cigarette fiend,
She drinks more booze than I.
But the girl of my dreams ain’t as dumb as she seems …
She’s the sweetheart of six other guys.”

“Man on top of woman hasn’t long to stay.
His head is full of business and his ass is full of play.
He goes in like a lion and comes out like a lamb.
He buttons up his pants and doesn’t give a damn.”

“A mighty pain to love it is,
And ’tis a pain that pain to miss;
But, of all pains, the greatest pain,
Is to love, but love in vain.”

” Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty;
Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen,
And here ’s to the housewife that’s thrifty!
Let the toast pass;
Drink to the lass;
I’ll warrant she’ll prove an excuse for the glass.”

” But if at church they give some ale
And a pleasant fire for our souls to regale
We’d sing and we’d pray all the live long day
Nor ever once from the church to stray.”

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