Basketball
Trent and I played hoops today down at the Muscle Beach courts again. After having a serious dislike for basketball for most of his life, Trent has decided that he and I should become very good at basketball and so we’ve been playing often. Our game today was highly competitive and fun against [...]
King of America: The Joy of Gluttony
Shows such as “The Biggest Loser” and “Quarter Ton Teen” have been cropping up lately trying to encourage Americans to eat less. Pop psychologists regularly appear on talk shows jabbering about how America has an “obesity epidemic” and how gluttony is tearing apart the fabric of our society.
Enough of that crap. The King [...]
“Death Post”
I thought about writing a post that would be published on my blog upon my death, but decided against it. Something tells me that A) the idea is trite B) I would accidentally publish it at some point before my passing, causing endless grief.
Instead, I will post something below similar to what the death post [...]
Build Your Bomb Shelter, Stock with Guns, Food, Gas & Women
Joel, what’s going on in the world?
The world is coming to and end and the sky is falling! Prepare yourselves! Now is the time to buy your bottled water, load your guns, hide your rice and bag your ladies!
Why is the world coming to an end?
Because Henry Paulson is the US Treasury Secretary.
Because [...]
King of America: 2nd Amendment- The Right to Bear Arms
I want a nuclear weapon.
I have a right to have a nuclear weapon.
So screw you liberal bastards, I’m going to get me a nuclear weapon.
The purpose of the 2nd amendment was to give the people power over the government. Without the right to bear arms, the government can do as it pleases without listening [...]
King of America on Eating
The King Of America’s Recipe for a satisfying dinner:
-1 pound of garlic roasted asparagus spears
-3 fat butter & black pepper grilled steaks
-1 apple
-Half of a 2-liter Costco jug of grape juice
-1 container of low-fat orange yogurt
Consume this beautiful meal at home alone in peace. I never watch television (why do I pay for cable [...]
King of America: Abstinence Only Education
Abstinence is defined as restraining oneself from an appetite or desire for activities that are usually pleasurable such as sex, food, alcohol and fun.
In this post, the mighty King of America will be discussing abstinence specifically in it’s sexual form, mostly pertaining to religious sexual abstinence.
Why? Because sexual abstinence is not only life-wrecking, it’s [...]
King of America: Short Man Syndrome
Post Disclaimer: I am 6′6”, but actually believe that I may suffer from a version of short man syndrome myself. I tend to be competitive and aggressive and occasionally assault tall men, because, “they were judging me.”
For years I have noticed that people who are short or were short when they were young are [...]
The Best Ironclad Prenup (Prenuptial Agreement)
In anticipation of my future divorces, I have designed myself the ideal prenuptial agreement (prenup). I posted it online so that anyone else who wishes to have a prenup can get one as well. Why would I want a prenup? Prenups are vital for every man (and sane woman- all seventeen of them [...]
King Of America Explains Economics to Americans
Many of you out there are sitting on your couch, munching your three pound bag of Cheetos from Wal-Mart and watching the news on your plasma television as you struggle to breath because your blood can barely squeeze through the fatty ventricles in your hearts. You are feeling pretty confused about why the good [...]
Like my cheesy pic? :) 
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