King of America: 2nd Amendment- The Right to Bear Arms
I want a nuclear weapon.
I have a right to have a nuclear weapon.
So screw you liberal bastards, I’m going to get me a nuclear weapon.
The purpose of the 2nd amendment was to give the people power over the government. Without the right to bear arms, the government can do as it pleases without listening to [...]
King of America on Eating
The King Of America’s Recipe for a satisfying dinner:
-1 pound of garlic roasted asparagus spears
-3 fat butter & black pepper grilled steaks
-1 apple
-Half of a 2-liter Costco jug of grape juice
-1 container of low-fat orange yogurt
Consume this beautiful meal at home alone in peace. I never watch television (why do I pay for cable again?), [...]
King of America: Abstinence Only Education
Abstinence is defined as restraining oneself from an appetite or desire for activities that are usually pleasurable such as sex, food, alcohol and fun.
In this post, the mighty King of America will be discussing abstinence specifically in it’s sexual form, mostly pertaining to religious sexual abstinence.
Why? Because sexual abstinence is not only life-wrecking, it’s [...]
King of America: Short Man Syndrome
Post Disclaimer: I am 6′5”, but actually believe that I may suffer from a version of short man syndrome myself. I tend to be competitive and aggressive and occasionally assault tall men, because, “they were judging me.”
For years I have noticed that people who are short or were short when they were young are often [...]
The Best Ironclad Prenup (Prenuptial Agreement)
In anticipation of my future divorces, I have designed myself the ideal prenuptial agreement (prenup). I posted it online so that anyone else who wishes to have a prenup can get one as well. Why would I want a prenup? Prenups are vital for every man (and sane woman- all seventeen of them [...]
King Of America Explains Economics to Americans
Many of you out there are sitting on your couch, munching your three pound bag of Cheetos from Wal-Mart and watching the news on your plasma television as you struggle to breath because your blood can barely squeeze through the fatty ventricles in your hearts. You are feeling pretty confused about why the good [...]
King of America: Aging Differences Between Men and Women
The way that American society views the aging of men is very different from the way we view the aging of women. Men generally hit their physical prime between the ages of 24 and 28, their sexual prime around 16 and their overall social prime around 40. Women generally hit their physical prime [...]
King of America: Policy on Suicide
In America we have several basic rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We have the freedom to either try to be happy (making money, chasing women, running marathons) or to not be happy (anything goth). Americans have the liberty to do most anything that they please: pick their nose, create militias, drive [...]
Lori Drew: Evil Psycho
A 47 year old mother, Lori Drew, was angry at a 13 year old girl who had snubbed her daughter, so Lori Drew created a fake MySpace profile of a good looking boy and had the boy become the 13 year old’s online boyfriend. They dated for a month, then Lori Drew started sending mean [...]
King of America Speaks out for Voluntary Polygamy/Polyamory
Polygamy and polyamory have received a bad rap in human history. Religious groups and weirdos have practiced a perverted version of both and have created an atmosphere of disgust and intolerance for both. When I become King of America, I will bring back the pure form of polyamory. Why? Because I’m not a player hater.
Polygamy [...]
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