Do Open Relationships or Polyamorous Relationships Work?

After I finished writing this post, I realized it is rambling and doesn’t come to any conclusions. I mainly would like to hear other people’s opinions and experiences on the subject. This is one of those areas where I am thinking aloud and developing my ideas through discussion.

An open relationship is a sexual relationship in which one or both parties also are free to have sex with other individuals. Open relationships are very similar to polyamory, with the difference being that in polyamorous relationships people are allowed to form long-term, loving relationships with other people. The term “open relationship” is usually used interchangeably with “polyamory”, since it is difficult to draw lines between sexual and emotional connections.

All of my relationships have been officially monogamous. Over the last year and half though, I have run into several situations that are hard to describe and define in traditional terms.

I have found that the lines in relationships have become much more blurry as I have matured. My relationships now are much more like friendships than any of the old definitions… I just find it silly to slap official monikers on growing, fluid relationships. People use so many words to talk about their relationships and yet nothing seems appropriate for my experiences… “girlfriend, boyfriend, dating, hookup, f*<& buddy, just friends, etc.”

To tell the truth, most of these words when applied to actual relationships are pale, poor and ill-fitting.

Even my unmarried religious friends who do not have sex are running into the same problem. Sometimes they are friends with someone of the opposite sex and their friendship goes into emotional and physical realm, but they are not “officially” together. Some of my religious friends even have relationships that are like this with multiple girls. So are they polyamorous or must sex somehow be involved?

You don’t need to have sex to have a relationship that goes beyond friendship. By the same token, if you have sex it doesn’t necessarily mean you are in a relationship.

What about situations in which you are “officially” together and not supposed to partner with other people? Is it cheating if you develop a strong emotional connection with another person that goes beyond mere friendship, even if you don’t have sex? What if that person is of the same sex? Or what if you have random sex with someone and you have absolutely no emotional connection with that person?

It seems to me right now that we all have relationships that may sometimes extend beyond mere friendship with a variety of people in our lives. We don’t limit ourselves to just one friend, so why do we limit ourselves to just one partner? I know there are religious reasons and sexual health reasons for doing so, but I don’t think that this logic is at the forefront of someone’s mind when they become hurt that their partner slept with someone else.

I have a few sample situations that I have either observed or been involved in myself that I am curious to hear your reactions to:

A) Girl and guy really like each other, but guy doesn’t want to make it official so he can keep his options open. Girl literally shines whenever the guy gives her attention and the guy knows it, but the two have never even kissed. Are they friends?

B) Guy and girl dated for a time, then broke up. Couple got back together, but on the condition that the relationship be polyamorous. Polyamorous situation made girl mad, but she liked the guy enough to stay with him anyways.

C) Girl and guy meet and flirt with each other and end up hooking up. Girl lives far away and only comes back every couple of months. Guy and girl remain friends over time and hook up when girl is in town. Both enjoy their limited time together and aren’t serious. Relationship is much more like a friendship than anything else.

D) Guy and guy are close friends. They have long conversations on the phone. They have no sexual connection and no desire for one, but they have a very strong emotional and mental connection. Is this type of relationship even possible between people of the opposite sex?

E) Girl and guy #1 were officially together for a long time. Guy #1 dumps girl, but they remain good friends. Girl finds and starts dating guy #2, but still isn’t fully over guy #1 and still has strong feelings for him. Do friendships with ex’s work while dating others?

F) Guy and girl fall in love, but live far apart. They are officially dating, but girl gets lonely and starts dating other people. Guy is heartbroken and dumps girl. Guy refuses to love any woman for years following, mainly just having short term hookups.

I would love to hear your feedback on one or more of these situations or on how you think relationships & friendships work in general. Thanks