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Energy Drink Foolishness

Saturday, February 28th, 2009
Posted in Joel by Joel Gross

On my final day of the workweek yesterday I was feeling great. My client presentation in Lake City went off perfectly and I was able to even talk to the owner a little bit about how he started and operated his business, which is very similar conceptually to my digital gauges website. After work, I went to Imo Sushi with Nick and Brian where we had a good conversation and a vigorous debate on religion. Our spirits were up and we even engaged in a wasabi eating competition (which gave us all chest aches lol). The three of us finished our sushi and sake then drove to Brian’s house to play Settlers of Catan and drink some more before we went out to the Ballroom in Fremont.

On the way to Brian’s house, we stopped and picked up a twelve pack of PBR and Brian also decided he wanted to get Rockstar, the energy drink. I don’t like the taste of energy drinks and I don’t like the way they make me feel, but I was in hell-with-it mood (see wasabi eating competition) and drank it anyways. I never really drink caffeine and by the time I finished the Rockstar and a couple of beers, I was feeling weird.

When we got into the club, I got introduced to a bunch of Nick & Brian’s acquaintances (mostly Microsofties and other finance folks). I made small talk, but the energy drink had made me start to feel disconnected from the world around me. Energy drinks are gnarly; studies have shown that people who drink them are multiple times more violent and aggressive than those who don’t. Rockstar may give you energy, but it also makes you feel a little alienated and uncompassionate towards those around you.

Now comes the entertaining part of the story: it was a little after midnight and I was on the dance floor dancing with random girls and sort of staring off into space when I spotted her. A beautiful tall blonde with an hourglass figure and a face to melt even the oldest balls, she was easily the hottest girl I’ve seen in a while. Entranced, I stopped dancing and walked up to her. “Hi. What is the difference between love and obsession?”

Weirdest question ever.

She looked at me a little confused and yelled “WHAT?” over the booming music.

“What do you think is the difference between love and obsession?”

The beautiful blonde’s girl friend was dancing with her from the back and pulled her away, but the blonde came back a moment later and said, “I think that love… BOOM BOOM BOOM”. I couldn’t hear anything she said, but smiled and nodded anyways. We continued to have a conversation that was like one blind person trying to describe color to another blind person for about ten minutes. I had no idea what she was saying to me. Her friend got bored of waiting and grabbed her hand and they went to the bathroom. If I had just danced with her and saved the crap philosophy for later, I would’ve been golden.

Moral of the story: Don’t drink energy drinks. They somewhat block your ability to engage with people and act like a normal person. Ordinarily I could’ve gotten away with a stupid question by making jokes or dancing or doing whatever the situation called for, but instead I felt like I was floating in a balloon on Mars.