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Eulogy of Joel

Thursday, September 27th, 2007
Posted in Joel by Joel Gross

The only time that people get together and express their feelings about a person is after that person has passed away. When that happens, people always sob about how they should’ve told the person sooner about how much they cared about them. Therefore, before I die, I’m going to tell myself how much I love me and what a freakin’ great guy I am.

Joel, you were so important to me. We had so many wonderful times together and you used to get me in so much trouble. Your violent passion and crazy wiring led to many adventures and created many memories. There was the time in the 3rd grade you peed on your teacher after he got mad at you for playing around at the urinal and grabbed your shoulder and turned you around. Or when you glued the annoying kid to his chair. Or when you and your friends discovered the joy of magnifying glasses in class and burned holes in your desk. Or the time you threw a stick at the fat bully and let him charge you then kicked him in the belly and got in trouble. Ahh the memories…. and those are just from one randomly picked year. We don’t even need to get started on all the shit you’ve got into since then. Joel, you were a lovely man. I want to hug you. And kiss you. And make sweet love to you. Good thing we did this before you were dead, or there would be some serious moral violations going on.