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“How not to break up with a chick”

Friday, September 14th, 2007
Posted in Entertainment by Joel Gross

Melanie just had her boyfriend break up with her via MySpace message… which is about the worst way you can do it. Apparently, she had just “expressed her discomfort with the fact” that he is going on a trip for Oktoberfest in Leavenworth with his supposed ex-fuckbuddy and he replied by breaking up. So Melanie and I are hanging out and having a beer and she let me copy and paste it here… enjoy entering a world of douchiness lol

heart to heart

On a completely different note, and on its own wavelength from anything Oktoberfest related, I wanted to talk to you about my own pit-of-my-stomach feelings that hopefully don’t come as a total out-of-left field surprise / are semi-mutual in their existence.

In spite of our out-of-the gate success, and your overwhelming awesomeness credentials as both a person and girlfriend, I feel like almost two months in there has been a tangible lack of energy / enthusiasm / momentum in the last week + that may totally be on my end, and I don’t have a great explanation as to why, but it seems to indicate that we’re drifting closer to the platonic and away from the romantic, and what’s odder still, is that I feel inclined to embrace that trend, and to listen to the heart & brain parts of me that despite all rational reminders of why you’re such a catch, compel me in the direction of drunken movie night friendship.

Maybe it’s just that my, and really our, lives have been so busy and/or life changing career-wise, or maybe it’s my own historically indomitable commitment phobia which I always assume has “worked itself out by now,” or my feeling worn down trying to muster enough energy to do a relationship and a new job and stay in touch with friends – it’s hard, for sure.

A thousand apologies, of course, for even communicating this via email, since I know that’s not really unconventional; this is a conversation I dare say I’ve never managed very well in person, or even with actual words coming out of my mouth at all.

Have you been feeling any of this over the last week, and if so, do you think I’m being premature in my thinking, or hasty, or is this completely just happening in my head alone?

Really you’re a smart and funny and ambitious and successful cute peach of a doll of a girl, and I’ve enjoyed our getting to know each other so well; I’m just feeling too overwhelmed to keep up. I hope you’d still be willing to whup my butt at pool one of these days.

Nick

Melanie would like you to take note of his closeted homosexuality via vocabulary…

hahhahahahahha