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How to Handle Confrontation and Conflict

Friday, November 14th, 2008
Posted in Uncategorized by Joel Gross

How should you best handle confrontation and conflict with people around you?

Don’t be like me. 1

I have been reflecting lately and after talking to some of my friends and other people, I have realized that I carry a significantly more confrontational style of interacting with others than most people.‚  Even at work, there have been a couple of incidents where I stopped behaving like a friendly professional and went into a battle mode.‚  A couple of days ago, I was frustratedly trying to get a raise/promotion and took an aggressive, argumentative approach which ended with me saying some things that I had to apologize to people for later.‚  The way for me to change my overly confrontational style to conflict is to be conscious that I do it and to keep myself in line whenever it happens.

Don’t get me wrong though: confrontation and conflict have their place in society and there are many people who are too shy to resolve issues because they believe any confrontational conflict is a horrible thing.‚  Dealing with the Hitlers of the world, institutionalized problems and some of life’s stumbling blocks takes a hardline approach.‚  If used correctly, confrontational style can help overcome many challenges including starting a business and protecting your interests and family.

When I was younger, I began to be more argumentative and obstinate than I should be when dealing with others.‚  I have made an effort since then to become a better person and find alternative solutions to problems besides confrontation and conflict, but I have not made as much progress as I thought I had.‚  Speaking with several of my close friends revealed that they have more conflicts with me than they do with most other people they interact with.‚  I need to begin to find alternative resolutions to confrontation and conflict.‚  Perhaps I will host tea parties for my enemies.

5 thoughts on “How to Handle Confrontation and Conflict

  1. You are a typical “boss” type person. Always right, always unwilling to admit mistakes, and never allowing or conceding anything. It works if you are a fascist who invented a new style of warfare and rocketry. But we love you anyways.

  2. First of all, that is not how it happened. You only apologized only because you were called out on your misgivings by the object of verbal beat-down, even though I told you that trying to make yourself look better by putting someone else down (especially to a perceptive & experienced boss) will only make you look bad. (Granted, I think you still believe what you said, so your apology was only for show. Which is fine, you just shouldn’t have said those things.) Poor strategy. You were acting out of emotion, rather than logic. You’re such a girl sometimes. Geez. If you truly had an issue about someone’s skills or contribution to said company, that should have been addressed with the person you thought was in the wrong, then the boss (if no improvements were made), all PRIOR to discussing any sort of raise or promotion. Look at it this way, if you screwed up, wouldn’t you want a chance to resolve the issue and keep your job? As opposed to taking away someone’s livelihood? Granted, some places are more cutthroat, you were fortunate that you were forgiven by the understanding few. In regards to the raise, you should have just stuck with the facts. Show how you made or saved the company money. Period. I think the real issue is not with your conflict resolution style, but balancing taking care of your (work, relationship etc) needs while being considerate of others when you clearly have the option to do so. I’ve heard you have done this with women too. Assume the worst, before knowing all the facts. You’re not a bad person, you just assume all the people you deal with are bad. You get what you give. Anyhow, good for you for being introspective and trying to improve.

  3. I love this guy. He is awesome. I get the feeling he has more power then you. Might makes right! That’s right, SOS just said he owns you!

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