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Joel’s Relationship Hierarchy

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007
Posted in Advice by Joel Gross

Far be it from humble me to dictate what relationships are and aren’t, but my simple observations of life have led me to believe that there are five major categories of escalating relationships between the sexes.

Friends- Little or no sexual involvement. Emotional connection is limited and generally kept to humorous areas. Relationships that fall under this category can be anything from coworkers to classmates to people who talk once in a while all the way up to “fuck buddies”. I have generally seen though that most relationships between people of opposite sexes have a small component of sexual energy to them.

Dating- Both parties have a romantic interest. Dates consist of many activities; flirting, hand-holding, kissing, donkey punches, sex and other intimate fun. Not many expectations here, both people just have a good time and see where it leads. People should talk to each other about whether it’s okay to date other people or not. The lines in this area can be blurry and communication can help straighten things out.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend-The couple has a strong emotional connection and is beginning to fall in love. Lots of time is spent with one another and the sex starts to get really good. Little dramas sometimes start popping up. Other people recognize the boyfriend and girlfriend as partners and usually have to plan activities that will include both of them. At this stage most of my friends become whipped little pansies. I remain a strong, independent man. Sorta.

Engaged-Boy proposes to girl or girl proposes to boy or girl proposes to girl or boy proposes to boy. I love political correctness. Anyways, ring on finger, twue wuv rears it head. Twue wuv consists of frighteningly dependent behavior on the part of both parties. Friends and family are neglected. Nothing matters except the other person. Never been here, so I have no idea what the sex is like.

Married- You are owned. You also get to own. Make sure it’s a good trade.

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