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King of America on Eating

Saturday, April 5th, 2008
Posted in King of America by Joel Gross

steak for king of america

The King Of America’s Recipe for a satisfying dinner:

-1 pound of garlic roasted asparagus spears
-3 fat butter & black pepper grilled steaks
-1 apple
-Half of a 2-liter Costco jug of grape juice
-1 container of low-fat orange yogurt

Consume this beautiful meal at home alone in peace. I never watch television (why do I pay for cable again?), but I turned it on and the Final Four basketball game between the hallowed University of North Carolina and Kansas was on. I watched it from the start and by the time I was done, Kansas was leading 40-12 and the announcer said, “This game is over” (which they never do since they want viewers to stay). I love watching either close games or games in which one team absolutely and totally dominates. Powerful success in all its forms is an aphrodisiac.

Am I a sick man for wallowing in such physical pleasures?

Most people would say yes, but most people have no passion, intellect or moral courage to take a stand in opposition to what everyone else thinks. And yes, I do intend that it be patently obvious I love myself furiously.