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Most Successful Box Office Movies Worldwide

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
Posted in Reviews by Joel Gross

What are the most profitable movies in history? What can we learn about humanity by viewing these results? Let’s see…

1. Titanic. Released in 1997, Titanic has been the highest grossing movie in history by far, earning 60% more money than the next movie on the list. Standing in at $1,835,300,000 Titanic is the richest movie in history. Our lucky friend, Leonardo DiCaprio, must have a hot tub that doesn’t run water but molten gold. My guess is that he has beautiful women over and then “accidentally” pushes them in. That’s what I would do.

2. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. With a title that long, how can you possibly go wrong? This flick stands in at a healthy and wealthy $1,129,219,252. Exactly. I guess this tale of Frodo and Sam’s homosexual love affair caught the human imagination. I wonder if Brokeback Mountain will be a couple more notches down?

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. $1,060,332,628. No wonder Johnny Depp owns an island in the Caribbean. If it wasn’t for him, this movie would have never even gotten on television.

4. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. $968,657,891. What’s up with all these trilogies and ridiculously long names? And how in the hell have so many people watched a Harry Potter movie? I am starting to sense that there is something severely wrong with the world.

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. $958,404,152. Ugh. Another sequel. Johnny Depp is a very sexy man, but why isn’t one of his better movies here? Blow, Edward Scissorhands or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas all far outclass this mass produced trash.

6. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Arcadia is going to hate me for saying this, but what the hell! I am sick of seeing the same movie genres here. Where are the all-time greats? Dirty Harry, Braveheart, Requiem for a Dream, Full Metal Jacket?

7. Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace. $922,379,000. This makes sense, the first movie of the trilogy appears to have made the most money because it SUCKED and no one went to see the next couple. The original three Star Wars movies were magical, but Jar Jar Binks and friends managed to ruin all of the magic that the first ones had. George Lucas should retired when he was on top, but I guess he had to support his cocaine habit somehow.

8. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. $921,600,000. Another decent movie, but nothing special. It seems that giant marketing budgets and special effects carry the load in winning people’s hearts and minds. Makes me doubt all of these claims I’ve always heard about the human spirit; it appears to be easily purchased and wooed with sparkly pictures rather than great and noble concepts.

9. Jurassic Park. $919,700,000. Best movie on the list so far. Jurassic Park is a fun action movie and broke some new ground in a lot of areas in that genre. Lizard Land even had some interesting and thought-provoking themes. Still not a “great”.

10. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. $892, 194,397. I quit, humanity is hopeless.

What can we learn from this list? It appears that Joel is a movie snob beginning to approach the ridiculous levels of Plato himself. Either that or most people have the same quality of taste to feed their souls as they do their guts: McDonalds. Semi-decent, self-indulgent, thoughtless fare. I think that the Matrix had it wrong when it claimed that humans couldn’t survive without challenges.. it appears that that is all that we want.

14 thoughts on “Most Successful Box Office Movies Worldwide

  1. out of curiosity where did “the passion” by mel gibson land on your list: I thought it was one of the highest grossing films, maybe not?

  2. The Passion of the Christ came in at 37th on the list of all time global top grossing movies. Mel Gibson managed to earn $604,370,943 off of that flick. I have never seen it myself though. It would be interesting to check out sometime.

  3. Thanks, perhaps I will. I could make a drinking game out of it. Here would be my rules: -Every time Mel Gibson had something anti-semitic happen, take a shot. -Every time Jesus cries, take a shot. I haven’t even seen the movie yet, but I’ll bet that’ll get you drunk! ahhahaha

  4. What’s the most successful film franchise list? Sum total of all movies in a film or perhaps averaged across each movie?

  5. Are you so sure? I think I heard that the Harry Potter series is the highest grossing in the entirety. I’m sure on an average basis the Lord of the Rings is #1 however.

  6. Harry Potter is the most successful movie franchise of all time, coming in with $4,470,000,000 grossed worldwide. The James Bond franchise is the second highest grossing movie franchise in world history, weighing in at $4,440,000,000. The third most successful movie franchise is the Star Wars series, earning $4,230,000,000. The James Bond series is set to give Potter another run for his money, since the last movie “Casino Royale” was the highest grossing film in James Bond history.

  7. Craig could bring a whole new life to the series. Amazing stuff. Over 4 billion dollars spent by millions of people across the globe and Oprah almost has as much.

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