My Theory on Why Religious Folk Marry Young

People with strong religious convictions tend to get married much younger than those without religious affiliations. Most of my friends without religion are unmarried and probably won’t get married for several years at least. My friends who are strongly religious, such as Jordan and Mark Rody have already been married for over a year. I have a theory on what happens inside these peoples head that causes them to get married so early; they are horny and full of hormones but are not allowed any form of release with another person or with themselves. So all these chemicals build up in their brains and they mistake this intense pressure for release for love. After they finally get married and have regular sex for awhile, the need to reproduce gradually reduces to normal levels and they are left thinking, “Why the hell did I marry this ugly, nagging pig?”.. Which is why the divorce rate among religious people is higher than it is among the general population, even though they believe they will burn for an eternity in a lake of fire for getting divorced.

If you think my theory is false, I have an experiment for you to try: don’t have sex or masturbate or have wet dreams for 2 months and then see how you feel. Faryar and I had a competition once to see who could go without longer and we turned into crazy bastards. I remember lying in bed at night sweating and staring at my ceiling and laying on my twitchy hands… Now imagine trying to do that for a LIFETIME… I don’t know how they last as long as they do.

Actually, that leads into my other theory: 99.9% of unattached men masturbate regularly. Anyone who says they don’t is a liar. Even one of the strongest Christian men I know can’t resist the powerful pull of reproductive brain chemicals… Jesus loses to Jenna Jameson every time.

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