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03/05/2009

Real Price of Prostitutes, Girlfriends, Dates & Wives

Dear friends, I believe that now is the appropriate time to reflect upon the true cost of hiring a prostitute versus maintaining a girlfriend versus being married.‚  You may believe that I am unfit for the important job of performing this analysis, due to the fact that I have neither hired a prostitute nore been married before.‚  However, my deep creativity and advanced analytical skills give me the capabilities necessary to accurately investigate this vital question.

Several basic assumptions need to be made in order for this theoretical investigation to work.‚  First, we must assume that the same basic woman fits all three roles so we aren’t comparing apples to oranges (or transvestites to Catholics).‚  The woman I have in mind is average and plain: she is about a 5 out of 10 on the formal Hotness scale.‚  Reasonably fit, 25 years old and no serious defects.‚  She also is of average intelligence and is somewhat entertaining, but nothing special.

Real cost of a prostitute

Real cost of a prostitute

Let us begin by finding out what the real price of a prostitute is.‚  A quick scan of Craigslist shows that the going price for a prostitute as described above is about $150 for a half hour or $200 for a full hour with house calls.‚  The convenience of quick sex without strings or difficulties is the primary benefit of a prostitute.‚  No effort, just a simple economic transaction.‚  However, there are other costs one must figure in when hiring a prostitute.‚  The risk of contracting an STD is very high.‚  For the purpose of finding the real price of a prostitute, I will assume that 10% of the time you sleep with a prostitute, you will be infected with a cureable STD and 5% of the time you will be infected with an incurable STD.‚  Doctors bills, pain and suffering and lack of a future spouse due to a diseased dick all will greatly increase the actual price of a prostitute.‚  My calculations in Excel show that from the valuations I placed on potential doctors bills, pain & suffering and deprivement of a future spouse, your ACTUAL PROSTITUTE PRICE WILL BE $12,200 per session of sex.‚  No thanks.

Standard girlfriend

Standard girlfriend

Next, what is the real cost of maintaining a girlfriend?‚  Well that depends on what you do for them.‚  Some pussywhipped boys buy their girlfriends tons of gifts in the hopes that they will have sex more often than once every two weeks (which they rarely do).‚  They take their girlfriends on eleaborate dates, abandon their buddies and pine over every comment and phone call she makes.‚  These boys have a fairly high cost for sex according to my valuation at $425 per session of sex.‚  Once again, no way.‚  However, some men who date women are able to provide as much enjoyment to the women as the women provide for them, creating a much more equal transaction.‚  These men will buy their girlfriends presents when appropriate and take them out when appropriate.‚  They care about their girlfriends, but have a separate life and a healthy measure of self-respect.‚  Men in a equal relationship with their girlfriends pay $65 per session of sex.

Black Rooster

Black Rooster

Some males, also known as “players” or “dirtbags” or “black roosters”, date women with no commitment of any kind.‚  Oftentimes, the women are the ones pursuing these men and the men actually end up essentially getting paid for sex.‚  On average these men do pay a little for sex, but that amount is always quite small.‚  They may buy the girl a drink at a club or pick her up from her house or some other small gesture.‚  The difficulty for men in dating relationships with no commitment is that they don’t often stay with the same person very long and if they do it inevitably turns into a girlfriend type relationship (see above).‚  Some of these guys are able to maintain multiple dating relationships though so they may have sex whenever they please.‚  That strategy can quite often blow up though, leading to a crazy man-hunt by their dates that ends with their man-parts being hurled at a police officer.‚  Per session sex valuation of no-commitment dating is $10.

Real Cost of Marriage

Real Cost of Marriage

Finally, it is important to focus upon the real cost of having a wife in the same terms discussed above.‚  The average married couple has sex 98 times per year.‚  Not great, but not awful.‚  My research also shows that the average wedding costs $20k (though paid by the bride’s parents) and that the average man can expect to have 55% of his discretionary income spent on his wife, kids and related expenses.‚  The median man with a full time job in the United States in 2007 earned $45,113.‚  My calculations based on this and other data determines that the cost per session of sex for married men is $202.54.

No commitment dating is the cheapest way to go, but most often doesn’t work out.‚  The most beautiful, intelligent and fun women in my experience have always either wanted full girlfriend relationships or nothing.‚  They simply have too many other great options to put up with BS for more than a short period of time.‚  Prostitution, while it seems fairly low cost on the face of it, has massive hidden costs that will bite you hard.‚  Avoid prostitutes like the plague.‚  Regular girlfriends generally have the lowest cost per session of sex over a long period.‚  That appears to be the way to go.‚  Marriage was actually much less expensive than I thought it would be, but it is still fairly high and the actual costs will rise along with your actual salary.‚  Boys in cheesy relationships with girlfriends where they have to put in a massive amount of effort for very little return are definitely overpaying.‚  I used the word “boys” to describe these males throughout my post, because their typical age is very young.‚  Men with more experience and maturity know better.

In writing this post, I made a game for myself to see how fast I could write a 1,000 word blog post.‚  It took me a mere 21 minutes to put this baby together, including research (thank you google & excel lol).‚  Hope it didnt’ affec the quality too much.

7 Responses

  1. Jordan says:

    You do forget to factor the economic advantages to being married in your shallowly researched 21 minute post. There are tax incentives for being married which should help to defray the cost of $202.50, plus the addition of a second income to the household and numerous other side benefits beyond simple per act bases.

  2. Joel says:

    Lol… that was part of the fun of this post. Obviously, one could spend a lifetime researching this subject and write an an encyclopedia.

  3. Plato says:

    You also entirely neglect the option of becoming a boy toy for a wealthy older woman.

  4. Married says:

    Being married isnt all that great. Once you get married you are lucky to have sex even if you give her large amounts of money well beyond 500. At least when dating you get it now and then, or when you use a prostitute you get what you pay for, but when you get married you are left with only memories of how good you once thought you had it. Over half of the married couples in america, approx. 90,000,000 people, have no sex or are lucky to get it once a year.

  5. J2 says:

    Married must have forgotten to do a few sit ups or watch what he was eating after he found himself in holy matrimony. Which would explain his lack of action. Come to think of it, we should fund a study correlating the decline in sexual activity among married couples to the increase in obesity… Where is legitimate government funding when you need it.

  6. BR says:

    hahahha…great article and long live Black Roosters.

  7. andy says:

    In my experience (i have experienced all of the above relationships) Seeing a prostitute is the most efficient. No nagging, no dealing with their bad moods etc etc. I have a full life in other areas, a great career fun hobbies so I am emotionally content. + I also see ALL of my married buddies are extremely unhappy in their marriages and want out.