The Fine Balance of Desire
Finding a happy medium between how much you desire another person and how much they desire you is a nearly impossible task. In my relationships with women, there is always a swing back and forth between which one of us desire the other more. The problem with this arises in the fact that if you desire a person more than they desire you, it is a turn-off to them and they desire you even less. I have had girls that I really liked and who liked me end up losing interest because I showed too much. On the other hand, I have had women that I actually liked a lot pursue me too hard and even though I was conscious that I should not let that turn me off, it ends up doing exactly that.
The magic happens in those rare moments when both people share the same passionate desire. These moments occur at the intersection in time when one person’s interest has just risen to match the other persons or the other person’s interest has slacked down to the other’s level. The best moments are when both people are intensely passionate about the other- generally in the first few weeks or after various events (time apart, special times, traumatic experiences, etc.) that spur those feelings.
Perhaps the optimum level of balance is found between two people who’s waves of interest match each other well. What are your opinions?
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Like my cheesy pic? :) 
Ah Joel,
That’s just another of the awesome benefits of a solid marriage. Just imagine having that 24/7 coming from both people, it is a great place to be!
And this coming from someone who didn’t have to “practice relationships” and didn’t get wrapped up in the selfish desires.
The best relationships are formed when both people realize that what they truly want is the best for the other person and they live selflessly with each other. That may be coming from a Christian perspective, but regardless of your religion, selfless love is the best.
Mark,
Your marriage sounds happy. Finding a great long term partner for me is a goal that I have, but I don’t know if I am ready for that kind of thing at this point in my life. I love the freedom that I have. I guess its a trade-off between my freedom and my contentment with a great partner in a relationship.
Hmmm… maybe I should find myself a good Christian girl like my grandma always exhorts me to do… the whole “husband as head of the household” thing sounds pretty nice.
Hehe, yeah good luck with that =) I understand about the freedom part of it for you at this time. Freedom is nice, however in my relationship we thoroughly enjoy doing things together and with friends that I would spend my time doing most of what I do anyways even if I wasn’t married. That is one great thing about being careful in choosing a spouse. We also had 4 years to get to know each other and weren’t in any kind of rush which really helps you decide. The speedy way often results in disaster. I have a feeling you will settle down one day maybe when you get closer to 30 or in your 30s, it’ll be interesting to see.
We will always want what we can not have. The need to be the one who’s desired the most are our animialistic need to be looked on as the best potential partner. Only when we are the one who’s desired the most we realize that we want to feel that passionately about someone. Instead of looking into our own minds and figure out how to do that with the one who desires us, we tend to look around. The grass always seems greener on the other side.
Who we need and who we want are sadly very rare the same individual. We often fool ourselves thinking that the one we want is the one we need. Only when we want the one we need, we will make mature decision that will lead to a balanced relationship.
Love comes in many diffrent forms and to love someone unconditionally and selflessly are actually seperated from desire.
Well said Sara.
However desire almost always follows once the unconditional love and selflessness are in place. Actually I believe desire is at its highest when those two things thrive in a relationship.