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Top Rules for Dudes: “Dudiquette”

Monday, February 25th, 2008
Posted in Entertainment by Joel Gross

1. Cat or small dog ownership has been banned was banned by the Dude Convention of 1837. Any person who places dog in articles of clothing must be informed of their abusive, negligent and inhumane behavior immediately.Dog wearing skirt

2. If a friend is attacked by more than one person, a very large person, or is too intoxicated to defend himself, you are required to jump in on his side. Exceptions include if your buddy is attacked by a large woman or the situation is otherwise hilarious.
3. Threesome may only consist of two woman and one man.
4. “Calling” a girl is forbidden. May the best man win.
5. You must wait at least 10 minutes for any man who is late. If a woman is late, you should wait 5 minutes for every point she has on the hotness 1-10 scale.
6. If a friend’s sister or mother is anywhere close to cute, you may feel free to comment on her appearance to him. He, however, reserves the right to take physical action.
7. Memory of a family member or friend’s birthday is optional, memory of a girlfriends birthday is mandatory.
8. Criticizing a friend may only be performed in private, unless that criticism is too humorous to pass up.
9. If provided free alcohol, you are never allowed to criticize it.
1Girl Working Out0. When working out, you must strictly observe the following rules:
-No loud grunting or other noise unless you are the strongest person in the weight room.
-No loading up the leg press and pretending that you are Arnold Schwarzenegger. The leg press exercise is in no way an accurate reflection of actual strength.

-No staring at your newfound muscles in the mirror and absolutely no ogling of other men. You may stare at any woman in the weight room for as long as you please and they may do the same to you as long as motivation is derived from such activity

-If you are an overly sweaty person, you must carefully clean each exercise machine after use and may not ever play on the “skins” team on the basketball court.
-Stinky hippies, short shorts and spandex are strictly forbidden. Under Armour counts as spandex unless you are playing football and need it under your pads.
-If anyone asks to work in with you on a machine, you must say yes and be polite.
-Spotters are not allowed to yell or talk loudly. Allow the person lifting to concentrate and don’t make the rest of the weight room think you area douche fag.
-Frog hops may appear to be fruity, but must be respected for their strength building capability.

4 thoughts on “Top Rules for Dudes: “Dudiquette”

  1. I agree to all the rules. May I also add a few other things to the list 1. If you are just beginning to work out then don’t buy the most expensive protein/creatine and expect to be like Arnold in two weeks. Getting in shape takes time and hard work. Concentrate on your diet and stop talking about supplements like they are a miracle pill. 2. If you are extremely skinny or fat then you are in now position to give advice on diet and exercise. I believe that if you talk the talk you should walk the walk. 3. Dudes are in no way allowed to attend aerobics or tae bo classes. They are reserved for hot girls so that us men have something to look at. If you want to get lean then go running or do some other cardio activity. 4. If you are a beginner then it’s ok to ask the more experienced guys in the gym for some advice. They will usually be more than happy to help you. However don’t be a pain in the ass and just listen to what they say and DO IT. There is a reason why they are big.

  2. Good additions. Maybe I should do a post on weight room rules and etiquette to help all the foolish grunters, screamers, moaners, waiters, and others. I like your Rule #2.. there’s nothing more annoying than some fat dude trying to tell you what you’re doing wrong.

  3. I think you should do a post on weight room rules. Because it just seems that too many people don’t know the rules! I hate it as well when out of shape people come up to me and tell me what muscle groups I should be working or what my diet should be. These people should be banned from gyms until they have been psychologically tested and proven that they are not big fat douche bags.

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