What to do this evenin’?

I could…

-go to happy hour with coworkers.
-plock out my eyeballs with a spoon.
-tie fletch up with duct tape, get him drunk and then sell him to a homeless woman for a 16 oz. Natty Ice.
-work, work, work.
-finish reading Atlas Shrugged.
-smoke the Crackalicious and fly around Seattle like Peter Pan.
-eat a cougar.
-play chess with Andy Meade.
-anal with a squirrel.
-become the first pregnant man in history.
-put on short shorts and a tiny tee and run in circles around Pioneer Square until the ghetto people cut me to ribbons.