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Women’s Fashion

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
Posted in Entertainment by Joel Gross

I am probably the least qualified person in the universe to discuss women’s fashion. I’m going to do it anyways, because I think I finally started to recognize something most people already see: that women’s fashion is not designed to impress men, but to impress other women. Women wear ridiculously unattractive things like Uggs, princess t-shirts, too much makeup, big hats, too much tanning lotion, leg warmers, etc. because it makes other women think that they are somehow interesting or special. Most men I know when they see women wearing this shit are instantly turned off, so for a long time I thought that women who wore these pieces were dumb and not worthy of my time. However, it is becoming clear to me that such items are fashion statements to other women and have nothing at all to do with us men.

Women even go so far as to use men as fashion accessories. Some women date men solely to flaunt them in front of other women. They gain some sort of sick sense of self-esteem by having a boyfriend who has a certain image, whether that be pretty man, rich guy, artsy types or bad boys. Perhaps I should change my image from stank garlic man to something else… Nah, like me for being me. My mom always told me I was wonderful just the way I am.

Below are some specific women’s fashion accessories that are targeted just at other women:

Uggs: the worst decision a woman can make. Men hate these.

uggs.gif

The Muffin-Top: No your fat ass doesn’t look any better when you squeeze into smaller size clothes. I realize this isn’t so much a fashion statement as a fashion misstatement, but don’t wear clothes that don’t fit your body type.

Muffin top

The Boy Toy: Female’s equivalent of the trophy wife. Let’s just say you aren’t dating him for his brains or personality.

Boy Toy picture

Trendy baseball caps: Most people look trashy when they wear these and women aren’t any different. You are only allowed to wear a John Deere cap if you are driving a tractor.

john-deere-girl.jpg

Lampshade hats: Not hot at all. Solely to show up other women.

lampshade hat

Rich guy: The most definitive fashion accessory, the rich guy many times has no personality, no ball, no brains and has done nothing in his life but inherited his money but still has beautiful women on his arm. Why? He’s an ostentatious fashion accessory. Donald Trump is an example of this: inherited his wealth, gambled it all on a couple huge bets and went bankrupt, but got lucky and made it out okay. If he started flat broke, he’d be lucky to be a television repairman.

Donald Trump Ugly Picture

The Bad Boy: He’s rough and tough on the outside, but inside he’s all sweet feelings and goo. He may occasionally knock you around a little, but you know he loves you deep down. That one time he hit you in the belly when you were pregnant and made you miscarry was just an accident. Right?… Yeah… He’s a great guy.

Bad Boy Rapper

The Meathead: For women who want a little (or a lot) of man in their lives.

Giant Meathead

4 thoughts on “Women’s Fashion

  1. “such items are fashion statements to other women and have nothing at all to do with us men” << boohooo I thought I was so speshulllll

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